so...
after a while, i have finished my studies in the UK and came back to Malaysia. I continued my studies in Kelantan which was my final year of my degree.
I still felt discomfort around the chest area... and I'm still in denial, I did what everyone in denial does, ignore it...
One day, I felt like I gotta go to the clinic to find out what's wrong with me. The discomfort feeling kept me thinking and it scared me. And I really want that discomfort to go away. Hence, I took the opportunity from a canceled outing plan with a few of my friends and went to a clinic.
So, I met with this doctor and I told him my worries. I'm thankful that I've met him cause he really took my worries into consideration. He checked me and then, he said this one thing and made me speechless. I think he said "There is an inconsistent rhythm in your heat beat, we're setting up a new machine so we can be sure whether there's really a problem regarding your heart or not" (gulp and my eyes start to get teary)
The doctor checked on me using the machine that they used for pregnant women. He checked and checked. Then he said to me "There IS an irregularity found in your heart, we called it ASD, where you have a hole in the upper chamber of your heart". I cried again. He said "There is no medication for this problem but there is a solution which will be a surgery, I'm gonna write you a referral letter, and you are going to take it to a government hospital" I really can't think or hear anything. I just cried.
After that, I went out from the doctor's room, I cried in front of my friends and told them what the doctor had told me. I was really not in the mood in driving back to the hostel, yet, among all the friends that I've brought to accompany me, none of them can drive. So, I had to drive back with all the tears in my eyes.
I went to my room, I cried again and again and again. I was really hoping one of my friends came into my room and comfort me. But I think they were shocked as well and didn't know what to do. My roommate who was 4 years younger than me came in and see me with this red eyes and red nose, asked what is wrong with me. i just told her i was sick.
So, that day was first day knowing I have a hole in the heart. to be continued....
